The Odd's and End's Page
Here you will find a mixture of item as listed for easy access. A fun page 4U
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  To access Poem 'Short mat for beginners'   Click here     To access Poor Old Number 3's     Click here                  
  To access poem  The Bowler's Prayer      Click here
  To access Joke 1.                                   Click here

About Short Mat Bowling

       

Short Mat Bowls is probably one of the most significant developments, in  club sport during the last century.
An indoor activity, not dependent upon the vagaries of the weather, it is a game that lends itself to social, as well as competitive enjoyment.  
Normally played in inexpensive premises, such as Church Halls, or Community Centres, it provides for many, an affordable means of pleasurable exercise.    Those who doubt their sporting skills, find almost immediate satisfaction in the simplicity of the game. However it is also an exciting and exacting discipline when played at it higher levels.
Whatever stage of sporting development a participant might be, the social, community, atmosphere of most clubs tends to engender a sense of well-being in all who take part

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Short Mat Bowling caters for all age groups, so that whole families are able to play together throughout their lives. Children as young as ten year of age, to some players in their nineties, all are able to enjoy this wonderful sport.

Although it grew out of the older and more well known, Lawn Bowls, Short Mat Bowling is not a poor relation of the outdoor game, but a sport within its own right, with demands of skill and discipline that equate well with any other major sporting activity.

There are some twenty six thousand Registered members of the ESMBA in England, complimented by thousands of unregistered players up and down the country.  All enhancing their lives with an affordable, pleasurable, social sport that encourages life prolonging exercise. 

Throughout the county of Herefordshire, there are eighteen clubs affiliated to the  ‘Herefordshire Short Mat Bowling Association’.

Go to ‘Other Clubs page’ to view details of where and when they meet. If you are looking for an enjoyable pastime, look no further, take a phone, ring the nearest club to you, and start out upon an adventure that could change your life.

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This Bowling is a bit of a puzzle for beginners

 


I’ve started short mat bowling, and enjoy it all the time
But some things I find difficult for—
There’s seem to be no reason, and certainly no rhyme
When playing football—what do they use? 
A ball! in golf and tennis, the answer is the same.
 But for us, the bowls we use, aren’t bowls at all
Clearly made of plastic—but we still call them woods.

                                             Then one guy was told, that he should  go and skip.

    Did he do it?  Not one step— in fact 
  With backside on a chair, he seemed to take a kip.
    Change your hand he said,  when I was on the mat,
   But  when I changed from right to left,
   he  seemed to change his mind, mumbled in confusion
.    Not four he said—now I knew that—'cause I have only two.
    Back hand he demanded—but I still bowled in front! 
    I find it disconcerting when I hit the centre block,
   no “bowl a little wider”    it’s ‘you need a bit more green’.
   Worst of all, my woods refuse to keep the line I send,
   Sometimes they’re fast, and then they’re slow,
    wobble, wander, off they go  - to drive me round the bend.

 

But, there are times, though skill I sadly lack,

When more by luck than judgement, 
A wobbly, wayward, wanderer, may land upon the Jack.
 ’Tis then I stifle conscience, and give a little smile,
As though it was intended, the result of my good aim;
Even to believe that it really was no fluke,
And for a fleeting moment think—I might play this game.

ADD

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Why are bowlers like politicians?    for the answer hover cursor here




Poor old numbers three's

Did you know that many number three's suffer from exhaustion? Research has shown why this is.

 Undercover workers have discovered that the mat used for Shortmat Bowling is 45ft long (approx)

 This means that members of the team walk 45 ft for each end played.

 

However The Number three

(a) walk’s 45ft to the Skip end of the mat  

 (b.) then travels back to the bowling end (all alone)                 45ft 

(c.) Following his (her) bowling session he (she) walk’s back  to the Skip end 45ft 

 (d.) after the strain of counting the woods, measuring etc, Number 3 trudges back to the Skip end Yes, you’ve guessed it…… 45ft

 It is easy to see that other team members walk 45 feet  Number 3 walks 180ft PER END

 Thus 180X 10 (ends) X 2 (games)                                           = 3.600ft 

 All other members walk ( excepting the loo visits etc)

45 X 10 (ends) X 2 (Games)                                                        = 900 ft.

 Over 10 League games

Number 3’s         3.600 X 10             = 36.000ft                          (others  9.000)

 Over 15 Games   3.600 X 15          = 54.000 ft                         (others 13.500)

 Note 1 mile is 52.800ft

 

The condition known as - number 3’s RU1- contributes to the inability to hear the skips instruction.

The confusion known as Bias Block.

In bad cases it results in chalk smoking. 

It can culminate in total collapse, when the number 3 will actually smile at, or even talk to, the opposing number3!

This research is not government sponsored, as it is reported that Mr Cameron is looking for a shortmat set up, so that he can ‘carpet’ all his ministers at one ‘fell swoop’. Thus saving his voice and taxpayers money!

 

 

 




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